New Semester! Urghh

okay so first of all A SHOUTOUT to all mothers, wives, sisters, girl friends, girlfriends, all women we encounter in our lives. Happy International Women's Day! 


"Without women, life would be a pain in the A$$." If you don't get this, you're too young to be reading it. haha!

back to what i wanted to write, now im in the new place, new environment, new people and new semester! :D
i moved to UA (university apartment) near to 1borneo. can go eat anytime leh! hehe.
its the first week of the class and i only attended 2 class. wth. its because i've been lazy for 2 months and up until now my ass wont work with me.so that's why.
well last week i was still at home and Lefiancee's family came to discuss about our wedding date. wow! i mean, that was so.... i dont know what to say, nervous much? haha. bodoh, belum start lagi sudah nervous!
well too many things to discuss before i go to the next stage of life. what about our monthly expenses, which home to live, what about my classes? his classes? its more than that, and its a huge responsibilities! still dont know if i can do it or not, and too bad, im sucks at cooking, i always woke up late, i often get jealous with him, etc. too many to mention here, and too much reasons of why im not suitable to be a wife, but lets go back to the religion of mine, in this level, right now i must kahwin sudah. lagipun bertunang lama2 won't bring us anywhere. too much dugaan? hmm.. you figure it out later. ok then, time to shower since i didnt go to class today i need to do the house chores!

Good Grade + Social Life = No Sleep!

Ohhhhhhhhhhyeahhhhhhhh!!

kenapakah seperti anak kera teriak2?

 Alhamdullilah, that's all i can say for now. i've passed my exams!! isn't that cool? i mean i can say that i was the weakest student in the class, i once get the lowest mark among all the students, and hell yeah i couldn't understand a thing about calculation, but still God help me to passed ALL my subjects!

   i often gave up to do my revision because each time i tried to solved the ME questios,
 i'll go crazy like this;

it was impossibru for me to pass one of the subjects but challenge accepted!

actually its really nothing to be proud of but i just can't sleep few days before the result was sent, and now i can calm myself..so i wanna take this opportunity to say thanks to (terip artis menang awards lettew!)  of course to my Almighty, for non stop listen to my doa. to my lecturers, sebab tidak bagi failed sama akuuu, haha!, to my friends, especially si JACK, ADRIANI, NET, AERONICK, TYNAKETINATANA, JENNY, CT, OGILVY, ARNILLA, GENG DORAEMON, dan kawasan yg sama waktu dengannya. lol. and to siapa2 kawan yg bagi tunjuk ajar sama sy. thanks guys, we deserve this result for our efforts study a day before exams. efforts la sangat. haha! but the sales carnival was a blast!

to my parents for giving me their bless, to ibu and pakcik for letting me stay at their place, especially to ibu, sebab jaga makan minum and many more! thats all. 

really???? that's all??

yeahh, why? did i miss something?

okay, im invisible now.. :(

 problem? u mad bro?

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LOL. you think i'll simply forget?

big thanks to that bro , LeFiancee, for your support, for helping me through my madness during the exams, for became a loyal driver, hehe, for taking a good care of me while im dying reading my notes, for bullying me! last but not least for your endless care and i heart you.

leF. with his mistress, the skateboard.

 

hi everyone. i love those make up style up there. *the corpse bride*

nothing important to write. i just can't sleep and it is 2.00am now. ugh hate this pain in my stiff left hand. sometimes i wonder why it hurts so much, maybe God want to punish me for all the bad things i've done. when everytime it hurts so much that i can't stand it, i'll feel like im better off dead. the pain, were like thousands needles were poked into my lungs and heart. each time it hurts, i had to hold my breathe for a few seconds and i felt like dying, there were also few times i got my whole body convulsing due to the pain my left hand caused. you never know how does it feels like whenever this left hand is being mean to me. i hate you left hand!

you have always had the key to my heart,

i'm glad that i have someone to share about everything and the fact that im not ashamed with my imperfection in front of him,,

the < to my 3

semalam tengok2 fb, then ada lah kawan share artikel news pasal sesuatu yg agak sensitif sebab berkaitan gejala 18sx dan org2 yg terlibat tu pun memang di kenali. mula2 sy rasa macam "eww memang di kampung sana tu gejala sosial banyak" rasa menyampah pun ada, tapi itu sebelum sy tau siapa budak2 yg terlibat dlm kegiatan 18sx tu, then bila my second brother bagitau siapa budak itu, tiba2 muncul rasa kesian, sebab sy memang kenal tu budak, he was a good boy, kalau tengok rupa pun rupa yg ko rasa boleh masuk 'ustaz pilihan' mungkin.lol!. adik sy yg gemuk cakap "kesian si **** terpaksa kahwin kan maka masi budak lagi, apa ne dia mau kasi makan isteri dia?" terus sy tahan2 ketawa. dari kata2 dia juga sy start rasa kesian dgn tu budak.

sy rasa kesian sebab keadaan family dia, terus sy terfikir mungkin dia jadi begitu sebab keadaan family dia yg bermasalah especially his dad, semua orang kampung memang tau his dad bermasalah, sorry to say that. but his kids are brilliant. mungkin itu la dugaan hidup dorang kan? mau cakap lebih2 pun, keluarga kita sendiri pun mungkin ada lagi masalah & keburukan yg lagi dahsyat. minta2 Tuhan jauhkan. tiada siapa juga yg minta di lahirkan dalam keluarga bermasalah.

like us, hidup macam biasa, tipulah kalau cakap tiada masalah. masalah rumahtangga. amboiii, perasan letewww dah kawin! i mean masalah parents, memang ada, kadang2 effect dgn kami juga. but no matter what life goes on. to the parents out there, behave yourself, jangan bergaduh sampai libatkan anak2, nanti anak2 terpengaruh, and jangan pentingkan diri kalau mau bergaduh, fikir pasal anak2. hehe. by the way, ini cuma pendapat sy saja, tidak seharusnya dijadikan petunjuk sebab sy belum ada pengalaman berumahtangga. eseh! tapi pengalaman sebagai anak yg berada di tengah2 parents yg sedang berperang memang banyak. wuuu!

family portrait yg tidak lengkap. ketiadaan sang suami kepada mama di sisi kerana menjadi tukang gambar dan juga sang anak lelaki pertama yg tidak mampu ikut ke sutra harbor kerana kesempitan kereta. 

a heart full with sins

ya Allah,
please forgive me for all the bad things i've done and said
i couldn't sleep tonight thinking about all the sins i've made.

ya Allah,
hati ini berat ketika dahulu,
hati ini pernah menafikan kebenaran,
hati ini seringkali buta,
hati ini gelap!

ampunkan diri ini yg seringkali menjauhi diriMu,
ampunkan diri ini yg selalu berburuk sangka terhadap makhluk2 mu,
ampunkan aku ya Allah.
dugaanMu berat, dugaanMu kuat
namun di sebalik dugaan itu, Kau selitkan pengajaran,
Kau berikan aku ruang untuk bermuhasabah,
disebalik dugaan2 ini Kau tetap mendampingiku,
Kau tetap berikan ku peluang setelah aku hidup dalam dosa2 ku.
ampunkan aku..

Hari ini sangat bosan tahu? tidak tau apa perlu buat, i've done cooking and watching some of "how i meet your mother" ketawa sendiri2. dulu tiap kali cuti sem, mesti mama suruh kerja di hotel, but this time im so freakkiiing lazy to work. why? because i don't want to go to work naik bus. sebab dalam otak saya rasa kalau naik bus mest terserempak dengan orang2 yang tidak di gemari. hmm.

its been 1 week and 2 days since my school holiday. school? amboi juki oyo, ingat kau masih budak sekolah?? last week i got the chance to meet my bestie si Liyana Jasmay. tett! salah lagi. si Len. she came with her ex boyfriend. its weird to see someone yg sda clash tapi still can be together like them. well maybe, God has something better for them, they can't be a good couple but they can be good friends. maybe... :D

exam result mau keluar sudah nanti. im afraid it will effect on my last pointer. i know because i didn't do my best, terutama jawab paper Sales sama Economy tu. kotoh lah kan! sendiri punya pasal. sedihhh oh. tapi habut i'll do better next time.

susah juga hidup kalau tiada talent oh. look at me no, nothing to do. i'm jealous when someone i knew banyak talent, contohnya dalam photography, singing, skateboarding haha. well hmm this is me.. that mr fiancee is now succeed with his t-shirt business, and me? ohhhh what a lifeeee.... i wish i have something good to prove with so i won't wasting my time doing nothing!

okay bye!

No, i didn't held any grudge with the men who turned me into disable person since i was 5 years old.

I’m that girl who forgives everyone who gets mad at me. I’m that girl who cares way too much about what people think of her. I’m that girl who fears being alone. I’m that girl who is scared of growing up. I’m that girl who acts like I’m tough when really, I feel like crying. I’m that girl who says yes to everything, because I hate disappointing people. I’m that girl who tries to be nice to everyone then gets taken advantage of. I’m that girl who doesn’t care if it’s a million dollars or a homemade card as long as you thought of me. I’m that girl who tries to express how she feels, but just can’t find the words. I’m that girl who everyone thinks they know, but they don’t.

Rezeki, Takdir dan Umur

Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda “Sesungguhnya seseorang itu terhalang rezekinya disebabkan dosa yang dilakukannya; tidak ada yang boleh menolak takdir melainkan dengan doa dan tidak bertambahnya umur kecuali dengan amal kebajikan” (Riwayat Ibnu Hibban).

1. Rezeki Terhalang Disebabkan Dosa Yang Dilakukan

Dalam hadith yang lain disebut disebut “Sesiapa yang rezekinya lambat, perbanyakkan istigfar. Dosa menyekat rezekinya dari sampai. Istigfarlah supaya diampunkan. Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda, “Sesiapa yang banyak istigfar, nescaya dijadikan Allah Subhanahuwata’ala dukacitanya itu jalan keluar (kesukaan), kesempitannya itu jalan keluar(kelapangan) dan direzekikannya dari tempat yang tidak disangka (Riwayat Ahmad). Selain itu doakanlah kedua ibubapa. Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda “Apabila seseorang itu tidak lagi mendoakan kedua ibubapanya, sesungguhnya dia telah memutuskan jalan rezekinya”. (Hadith Riwayat ad-Dailami)

2. Doa Boleh Mengubah Takdir .

Takdir bermaksud ketetapan Allah Subhanahuwata’ala. Terdapat 2 jenis Takdir iaitu Takdir Mubram dan Takdir Muallaq. Takdir Mubram ialah takdir yang tidak boleh diubah, misalnya mati, mati adalah sesuatu yang tidak boleh diubah kerana ia pasti berlaku ke atas setiap insan. Takdir Muallaq pula ialah takdir yang boleh diubah dengan cara berusaha dan berdoa kepada Allah Subhanahuwata’ala. Sebagai contoh, seseorang yang bekerja dan tidak mempunyai pendapatan yang mencukupi, dia boleh berusaha dengan melakukan kerja-kerja sampingan dan berdoa supaya ditambah rezekinya.

Jangan bosan atau jemu dalam mendoakan kebaikan.

Fussilat [49] : Manusia tidak jemu-jemu memohon kebaikan.

Jangan pula mengatakan doa itu tidak diterima. Yakinlah Allah Subhanahuwata’ala akan menerima doa itu satu hari nanti. Cepat atau lambat sesuatu doa itu dimakbulkan (diterima) adalah terletak kepada Allah Subhanahuwata’ala dan bergantung pula kepada banyak atau sedikit dosa yang dilakukan oleh seseorang itu.

Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda: Akan dimakbulkan doa salah seorang di antara kamu selagi dia tidak terburu-buru lalu dia mengatakan: Aku sudah berdoa namun tidak dimakbulkan bagiku. (Riwayat Imam al-Bukhari)

Selain dari itu jagalah makan-minum, jangan sampai dari sumber yang haram kerana makan-minum yang bersih dan suci adalah syarat doa diterima. Rasulullah s.a.w pernah menyebutkan dalam satu hadith tentang seseorang yang sedang dalam perjalanan panjang (musafir), rambutnya kusut dan berdebu. Dia berdoa sambil menadahkan tangannya ke langit, dia berucap: Ya Rabbi, Ya Rabbi, sementara makanannya haram, minumannya haram, pakaiannya haram dan dia dikenyangkan dengan makanan yang haram, lalu bagaimana mungkin doanya dimakbulkan. (Riwayat Imam Muslim)

3. Melakukan Kebaikan Menambahkan Umur

Apabila seseorang melakukan sesuatu kebaikan, umurnya ditambah dan apabila seseorang itu melakukan sesuatu kejahatan, umurnya berkurangan. Timbul persoalan, ada juga orang jahat yang umurnya panjang meninggal dunia ketika berumur 90 tahun. Maka jawabnya, “mungkin umur asalnya 95 tahun, tetapi dipendekkan disebabkan kejahatannya”. Ada juga orang baik yang meninggal dunia pada umur muda misalnya 30 tahun. Maka jawabnya, “mungkin umur asalnya 25 tahun, tetapi ditambah disebabkan kebaikannya.

things never come easy.

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans. But that’s the thing. Love isn’t a plan. It doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

Love is so incredibly messy. People around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. They can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love. It’s inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. What you don’t learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn’t worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.

Love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. It’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.

It’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not her caressing your hair and telling you that everything’s going to be alright. It’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another person’s hand and said “here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.”

It makes us crazy. It makes us invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It’s about scaring the crap out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it’s a lot better than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.

Life is a challenge, and so is love. Things never come easy in life; if they do, memories are rare, suffering won’t get you through the tough times, there’s nothing to look back on. There’s no mistakes that you learn from. In the end, it’s all worth it.